I’m starting to feel my life is becoming something you’d read in a Bridget Jones novel. I have moments of thinking “my child is amazing” closely followed with “take your hand out of your trousers!”.
Today it was Evie’s turn. I’m starting to think she’s intelligent for her 11 months and I’m scared, very scared, imagine if she continues this, she’ll outwit me by the time she’s two, NOT COOL.
We had a lovely afternoon eating cake, chatting with friends, Evie managed to join in and not complain too much. She did a big, very stinky poo so naturally I changed her, it was nearly the end of the day and the leggings were dirty, I pulled them off and didn’t replace them, no point. I also couldn’t be bothered to pop her vest back together, we were going to hang around the house, why would I waste time? Anyway she continued to play in the front room whilst I quickly cooked a pathetic dinner.
Dinner eaten, my husband informed me we could go and see all the Shaun the Sheep at the Mall at Cribs Causeway because he was working there after it closed, one last time for Bertie to see them all (we hadn’t managed to get to all of them when they were on location). We had to go, right then, no messing around. Evie had leggings quickly put on and a bottle shoved in her mouth, both children in the car.
We saw all of them and when we got back I picked Evie out of the car in the seat and noticed a wet patch in my husbands car. I’m prone to leaving lids off bottles and the contents going everywhere so I assumed it was this but I then remembered my husband had specifically told me he’d put the lid on. Clearly my thought was “Idiot, he didn’t put it on properly and it leaked, HA HA it’s in your car NOT mine, you’re at work and I have the children to put to bed so I won’t have time to clean it, pillock, you’re car is going to stink”. I smelt it but it didn’t smell of milk, weird. Inside I pulled Evie out of the car seat, she was soaking, clearly the milk had gone everywhere but then I realised the bottle was in my bag. “OH CRAP, IT’S WEE NOT MILK“. She didn’t have a nappy on, WHAT????????? HOW????????????
I racked my brain over the last couple of hours, would I’ve seriously been that stupid to take a nappy off and not replace it? I didn’t think I was but the situation in front of me told a different story. I honestly couldn’t remember taking her nappy off again post poo to change her, there wasn’t much time and what idiot wouldn’t have replaced it? I thought to ring my husband and blame him for the stupid mistake but he was at work and a bit of Nazi with babies and no nappies, my children aren’t allowed to air their bums if not toilet trained. He clearly would have gone to town with me on this one, so I didn’t ring him. The next two hours all I could think was “Amy you’re a prat for not putting a nappy on the baby”, I took her for a bath and she did a wee on the bathroom floor, she even smiled at me after, she knew.
Bertie in bed, Evie and I went downstairs, she played in the front room whilst I tidied up. Under the coffee table I found the missing nappy, it had been ripped off, sneaky baby had pulled it off and I hadn’t noticed. I asked her about it, she smiled and laughed, I’ve had mothers tell me their two-year old don’t understand when I’ve tried to explain something, B*llS**T, they understand. Evie did on this occasion but her butter wouldn’t melt smile made me soften when initially I wanted to throw the
very clean nappy at her.
Then we played floating games with my pint of water, she now knows Minions floats and the crayons sinks. My daughter’s very switched on……. and then she spilled the pint all over the floor, GAME OVER, BEDTIME for you little lady.
Bicarbonate of soda is suppose to get the smell out of carpets/upholstery, looks like I’m going to have to work fast if I want to finish in time for Downton Abbey.
Lesson of the day. To stop pretending to save time when I’m just being plain lazy and dress my children properly at all times, who knows what could happen?
p.s. If you haven’t seen last nights Downton Abbey, don’t bother it’s rubbish “how wonderful, how amazing, could it be???? Lets get the Veuve Clicquot out and all have a drink!!” Eurgghhh, you make me sick. Maggie Smith was carrying them all and the only reason why I’ll watch it next week.
p.p.s. Don’t put bicarbonate of soda over a car seat or in a car, it get’s bloody everywhere and the seams make it virtually impossible to vacuum out.
The reason for this post? Make sure you put a nappy on a baby that’s not toilet trained, it’s pretty obvious to most but not me, apparently.